The Ultimate Camping Trip
by Poodle Luva
Summary: The seventh years go camping. Goyle pretends to be a wolf, Crabbe is a pyro, and there's a very special raccoon, Mr. Nubbins.
1. The trip to camp

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own these characters, JKR does. 

A.N. Most of these experiences happened when our class went camping. Sometime or other I'll make a list of everything that actually did happen, as well as the story behind it.

"I have an announcement to make," Dumbledore began once the seventh year students had gathered in the great hall after their NEWTs.

Everybody started muttering among themselves. Dumbledore looked on with an amused smile until he decided it had gone on long enough. "Quiet!" He shouted. Immediately all talking ceased. "anyways, this special announcement is all of the seventh year students are going camping, kind of like a graduation event."

Everyone looked shocked until some bloke from Hufflepuff shouted "Whoopee!" and then chaos broke out.

Sheets of paper appeared in front of them with all of the information, including activities and supply lists.

"Why do we need to bring a compass, it's not as if we know how to use them," Ron complained (A.N., something I wonder too.  
"Just because it's better to be safe then sorry," Hermione reasoned.

They weren't allowed to bring wands or any other magical devices that would arouse any suspicion from muggles.

A couple of days later they boarded the bus.

Malfoy and his cronies raced to the very back, and Harry and his friends were in the middle.

Almost as soon as the bus started everyone began singing.

"This is going to be a long bus ride," Snape (one of the two chaperones) moaned.

About 2/3 of the way through Snape called the bus to a halt after trying to read and becoming very carsick.

"I'd say it's about time to have lunch," Professor Trelawney (the other chaperone) suggested. "And watch your step," she said rounding on Neville. "Don't trip or you'll die a slow painful death involving cheese." Everyone snickered. Trelawney was totally oblivious and dramatically left the bus.

After a well used rest stop Snape was supposed to call role, but was still too sick to read. So as you assumed, someone was left behind, and that someone was Trelawney.

"Oh no, we forgot Prof. Trelawney!" Snape cried when he was finally able to speak. Everyone cheered. "We'd better go back and get her." He finished thoughtfully. Everyone booed and threw their leftovers from lunch at him. "I guess not," I concluded. "She'll be able to get back on her own." Again everyone cheered.

After about an hour they finally pulled into the camp ground.

A.N. I know this is short, but there's a lot more to come.


	2. Pitching Tents and Dinner

"People call this fun?" Malfoy complained while they were pitching a tent.

Unfortuanetyl Malfoy, Ron, Neville and Harry were paired up in the same tent, as Dumbledore felt they should mix themselves up between houses, though they would be able to choose one friend.

Coincedentally Malfoy and Neville were the oddballs, so they were paired up together.

When they thought that their tent was pitched well, they climbed in, and predictably the tent collapsed, clouting Malfoy on the head and leaving him unconcious.

"Just like him to injure himself to get out of work." Harry griped as they began to set up their tent again.

After the tent was actually set up well they went back to the bus to get their belongings.

As they rounded the corner they saw that the bus wasn't there.

"We're doomed," Ron said dramatically.

"This is wonderful, we'll be able to test our knowledge of the wilderness!" The camp guide exclaimed.

"Wonderful," Snape agreed sarcastically. "Just wonderful."

Much to the camp guide's delight they made beds out of leaves and ferns in their tents.

Malfoy, who as usual felt it beneath him to pay attention, put poison ivy in his bed.

It was about six so they began to make dinner.

"How come our water is taking so long to boil?" Parvarti grumbled.

"If you stopped turning off the flame to peer in the pot it wouldn't take so long!" Hermione said.

"Well the flame's scary, and at least you know I'm not a pyro!" Parvarti argued, jerking her head towards Crabbe who was lighting match after match and waving it around.

"Atleast." Hermione agreed.

Everyone was following Crabbe's wonderful example, and lighting matches, until Crabbe caught on fire and was deported to the first aid tent for the night.

"And that kids, is why you don't play with fire." Snape informed everyone."

After all of the dishes were washed they went to have a campfire.

Marshmallows were handed out, though none of them knew what to do, so they were covered in sticky marshmallow.

"We'll be telling ghost stories and singing songs," the camp guide said, eyeing the sticky teenagers with distaste.

"I have the first ghost story!" Malfoy announced. "Well it's not really a ghost story, but a scary story."

With the camp guide's consent Malfoy began. 


	3. Ghost Story

A.N. This is a story my friend told me, so thankyou Georgia.

"A long time ago there was this girl (Jane) who was alone with her friend. All of the doors and windows were locked. Jane's friends walked up to Jane's bedroom to see Jane sitting on the bed. Unknown to Jane there was a man under her bed who was holding a knife.

The friend caught the eye of the man, who ran a finger across his throat then put a finger to his lips miming say anything and I'll kill her.

"Jane," the friend called. "Will you come downstairs with me?"

"No," was Jane's response.

"Please, I'm really scared. Also take a big jump away from the edge of the bed."

Jane consented and once outside her room the friend told her about the man under her bed.

Jane was shocked, but they locked the man in the room, and phoned the police.

When the police came they went up to Jane's bedroom and looked for the man.

He wasn't there.

All of the windows were still locked, as was the door.

The man had simply vanished, and for all we know, the man is still alive and killing..."

A.N. It may not make sense that they locked the man into the room, but my friend's bedroom has a lock from the outside, not inside. 


	4. More Campfire

By the time Malfoy finished everyone looked pretty nervous.

Goyle looked about ten times worse then anybody else, he had gnawed on his fingernails until they were bloody stumps, and looked smaller (if possible) and really scared.

"Maybe we should put Goyle in the first aid tent with Crabbe." Snape suggested.

Goyle consented and staggered off to the first aid tent where Crabbe was being treated for his burns.

"Maybe we should sing songs instead..." the camp guide advised.

"I know!" Seamus shouted whipping out a guitar he had hidden behind his back.

"There's a hole in the bottom of the sea,  
There's a hole in the bottom of the sea,  
There's a hole, There's a hole,  
There's a hole,  
There's a hole,  
Oh there's a hole in the bottom of the sea,  
Everybody now!" Seamus saing.

Everybody looked blankly at him so the camp guide advised a more traditional song.

"Everybody, time for bed, we're getting up early tomorrow," The camp guide ordered, so everybody "trotted" off to bed. 


	5. Tent Time

A.N. Sorry to make the chapters so short, but they're split into sections.

"Parvarti's not!" Harry whispered.

"What?! Parvarti's hot?!" Ron giggled.

"No you dork, Parvarti isn't 18, she's still 17!" Malfoy laughed.

"Shh!" Neville warned. "We don't want to wash the dishes in the morning." They had been threatened that the loudest group would have to wash the dishes.

"There's something pokings later.

In the morning everyone asked Goyle how his bby was, who in turn, went bright red.

"Did you guys hear the coyotes in the forest last night?" Malfoy asked everyone, and predictably they all laughed at him.

"I feel really itchy," Malfoy complained.

"You look red and blotchy mate." Ron informed him.

"It's poison ivy," Neville said calmly.

Malfoy was sent off to the first aid tent while everyone else ate their oatmeal.

A.N. Next, a nature walk. 


	6. The Nature Walk

"We will go on a nature walk after everyone empties out their tents, especially you guys," the camp guide said, nodding to Malfoy's group. "And then, we have a surprise."

They emptied out their tents, then went to the eating area to see the surprise. The surprise was the lost baggage from the bus.

Everyone had unpacked and changed clothes then went out for the nature walk.

"Here are the rules," the camp guide announced. "No feeding the animals, no straying from the group, no littering and don't pick plants."

Everyone obeyed the rules for the first part.

"This is stinging netle, you see these spikes on the underside, if you touch them they get embedded in your skin and they burn." the guide said.

"Cool," Dean said. "Let see." then rubbed his finger on the plant. Predictably a couple of minutes later his hand was inflamed.

"Don't expect any sympathy from me," Snape said coldly.

"Here's the antidote," the camp guide said as they came across stink plant.

Later they came across elderberry.

"Rub the leaves between your fingers and smell." the camp guide instructed.

Everyone did so.

"Yuck!" Ron cried. "It smells like old people, hence its name."

Slowly everyone got bored of the camp guides lectures about plants and started wandering off and talking.

Malfoy wandered off into a little side path.

"Why go on the path, when I can....bushwack!" Malfoy thought to himself and pushed his way through the bushes.

When he stopped to drink out of a stream (what a smart old chap) a bear showed up.

Malfoy, not being very smart or skilled in wilderness survival skills shrieked and curled up into a small ball.

When the bear went to investigate he did a spectacular barrel roll and started running.

Good job Malfoy, another brilliant idea (not).

The bear easily out ran him, caught him, and devoured him. Just kidding.

(Predictably) Malfoy shot up a tree, leaving the bear pacing beneath the tree.

"This sucks," Malfoy muttereed aloud.

Just then his class mates arrived (searching for him) and laughed their heads off at Malfoy up the tree and freeked out.

"This really sucks," he thought, "If only I had my wand..."

The camp guide saw absolutely no amusement in this situation (the snobbiest kid at hogwarts chased up a tree by a bear) and immediatly whipped out pepper spray and bear bells and chased the bear away.

"This is why I said don't stray away from the group sonny," the camp guide said helping Malfoy down. 


	7. Mr Nubbins

Back at the eating area they were having lunch. 

"Hey, look, there's raccoons!" Dean cried pointing in the forest.

"If they get any closer you do this," the camp guide said. "Too close, too close!" he cried clapping his havds and walking closer to the raccoon.

"NO, you scared Mr. Nubbins away!" Seamus cried.

At all of their meals they kept seeing Mr. Nubbins whom they grew very attached to.

"Look, the raccoons are being scared away from Mr. Scary Man!" Seamus said waving his hands in a freaky dance, not noticing the camp guide scaring the raccoon away.

A.N. Sorry it was so short, this is all I know about Mr. Nubbins, the next chapters going to be a lot longer though, it's free time.


	8. Free Time

"Free time," Ron read from the intinerary.

"Let's go canoeing," Hermione suggested. "There's a bunch of islands we can explore."

Harry, Ron and Neville consented and the next thing they knew they all had life jackets on and were paddling out to the island.

"Ew, it's covered in goose poop," Neville said while stepping in some.

"I hereby dub this island, 'Goose Poop Island'" Ron decided.

They wandered around the island, found some good skipping rocks, and all tripped a countless number of times.

"No offense, but this is getting really boring, let's go swimming," Harry suggested, so thye paddled back to the dock and started diving off it (they already had their bathing suits on).

"This is a cool dive we learved in diving class," Ron said.

"Diving class...?" Hermione muttered questioningly.

"It goes like this (he's doing the shapes with his hands, kind of like YMCA). T-I-O Let's go! T-I-O Dive!" and dived into the water.

They all had races and contests, then decided to swim to goose poop island and back.

Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy decided to go tubing.

"Nice bathing suits," Ron snickered.

Malfoy had on black shiny swim trunks with gold bugs bunnys on them. Ron guessed that if he jumped in they would balloon out.

Crabbe and Goyle had on speedos which thoroughly grossed everybody out.

Pansy had on one of those one piece bathing suits with a hole for the stomach and lower back, covered in pink and blue frills.

The slytherins ignored everybody's comments and piled into the speed boat.

First of all Pansy went into the innertube. Though she was being bumped and bounced her facial expression might suggest she was having tea with the queen.

Next up was Malfoy, who was so exuberant he jumped into the water (instead of waiting for Pansy to get out of the tube), and as Ron suspected, his swim trunks ballooned out.

Malfoy tried to show off by going really fast, though the waves were really rough, so he got swamped.

Crabe and Goyle insisted on going together, so they were dragging below the waves.

"Look, a shark!" Goyle shrieked, stupidly leaping into the water.

"You dolt!" Malfoy yelled. "That's sea weed!"

Goyle got to his senses and got back in the innertube and enjoyed the rest of the very rough ride.

Dean, Seamus, Parvarti and Lavander had decided to get some innertubes and just float around near shore.

Dean had just expected to lie back and relax with his normal clothes on.

Seamus, Parvarti and Lavander were shrieking, splashing and having fun, which distracted Dean.

He decided to join in (forgetting he didn't have a bathing suit on).

While he was rocking back and forth a ferry sailed past creating "ferry waves".

The waves grew so rough Dean flipped, clothes and all.

Seamus, Parvarti and Lavander roared with laughter then whipped out camera's, took a picture of Dean soaking wet and squealed "Kodak moment!"

"I hate you..." Dean muttered. 


	9. Hearts in Motion

As they had to learn some facts at camp they went on another nature walk (A.N. I had a camp where we only went on nature walks, boring ones, and had free time for half an hour in the morning, it really sucked).

"Aww, look, a dead bunny," Parvarti sniffed.

"See, that's a cottontail, you can tell because the bottom of it's tail is white, and the top is brown." the camp guide explained, never missing a chance to teach.

"Just like Buster," Lavander added, looking gloomy.

All of the hogwarts students had a quick funeral for the rabbit, then kept walking.

Later on they found a dead shrew.

"A dead mole!" Ron said.

"It's a shrew," Hermione corrected.

"Don't you have any resprect for the dead?" Ron asked rudely. "It's a mole."

"No Ron, it's a shrew." Hermione said.

The camp guide came over to see what the ruckus was. "Oh, a dead shrew, you can tell it's a shrew because it has a pointy snout and it's paws are equivalent to it's body size."

"Whatever," Ron said, then threw the shrew into the woods.

OVer the next half hour they found a dead mole, another dead shrew, and a dead squirrel.

At the end of the path they found it was called 'Hearts in Motion.' Ironic eh?

A.N. Sorry if I put too many nature facts in, if you really don't like them I can take them out. 


	10. Bat Watch

After dinner they had the wonderful experience of a bat watch.

"If you go into those woods I'll kill you." Pansy said to Malfoy, clinging to his arm.

Malfoy rolled his eyes at the concern.

They arrived at the secluded spot and were shown a dead stuffed bat to see what it looked like up close.

"Cool!"

"Ew!"

"Wicked!" were some of the responses.

When everyone had seen the bat they lay on rocks to look at the live bats.

On the way back they joked about how there were a kazillion corpses in the lake, all covered in lily pads.

Once back at the eating area Snape called Malfoy, Harry, Ron and Neville over.

"I have some bad news for you boys. There's still traces of poison ivy in your tent. While it's being washed out I've enlarged another tent so you four can fit there.

"Seems ok to me," Ron said, then started walking towards the tents. 


	11. The Second Night

"If you snore, move, spit, drool or mumble, you're out." Dean told Malfoy who was sleeping next to him. "And to make sure of that, up goes a brick wall." he added, pulling out bricks from his bag.

"Maybe Malfoy should sleep next to Crabbe and Goyle..." Harry suggested.

"Are you kidding? Those guys are gross. I'll stay here thankyou very much." Malfoy said indignantly, plunking himself down.

"Ok," Seamus said. "Tonight is the night we spill our guts out to each other."

"Alright..." everyone said.

"Ok, when I was little my mom made me take voice lessons, she thoght I could be Celine Dion's background singer." Seamus said.

"I was happy not knowing that." Hrry said.

"Ya well, it's called spill your guts night, so I'm spilling my guts."

"Alrighty then..."

"It's a good thing Crabbe's asleep," Malfoy said. "He blabs everyone's secrets."

That night alll of the secrets were spilled.

In the morning at breakfast everyone looked at the 8 of them oddly (I don't care if Crabbe was asleep).

"What's rong HErm, do I have something on my face?" Ron asked sleepily.

"No, you special little cowboy." (he had taken horse back riding lessons the previous summer) Hermione said.

"You heard?" Ron asked paling.

"We all heard, every single word." Hermione responded.

"This really sucks." Harry and Ron said simutaneosly. 


	12. Head of Voodoo

On the way to the lake, Harry, Ron, Neville and Hermione passed by an old abandoned cabin.

"Hey cool, let's look inside." Neville suggested.

They peered in through the windows, though couldn't see much, as it was so dark.

"Look!" Hermione exclaimed, pointing to a candle holder made out of clay.

"That's freaky." Harry said.

Neville went to pick it up to get a better lookk.

"Don't touch it, it must be full of voodoo!" Ron shrieked.

Ron may have been superstitious, but nobody could blame him; the clay was formed into a grotesque face, contorted with pain.

"Let's get out of here." Harry suggested, so the ran.

"There's a head of voodoo!" Ron told everyone.

Predictably eeryone wanted to see it, so they trouped down to the cabin in one big group. Up the steps they went, and found that the clay head, was, still ther (ha ha! expected it to be gone did ya).

"You're right, this is filled with voodoo," someone said, eyeing the head suspiciously.

"We now have a task, to find out more about the head of voodoo!" Harry announced. "Get to it." 


	13. The Squirrel

A.N. Sorry it took so long to update, I've had so much dance and rehersals and such.

The Squirrel...

The next day they went on a pond study, where they took nets, lent of the side of a low dock, and pulled out microscopic insects (I know, sounds fun, doesn't it).

"I think I'll sit out this one..." Lavander announced. "I don't really like bugs."

"I'm with you," Seamus said.

"Come on mate, you're missing out on so much here." Dean said.

"No way, I'm out."

Dean reluctantly let the subject drop, and went over to collect a net and bucket.

"Hey look, it's like a water swimmer," Malfoy said putting some weird bug into the bucket.

"Is that a ring?!" Pansy shrieked peering into the murky (yet shallow) water. "Get it, get it!"

Everybody spent a good 10 minutes trying to get the "ring out, though after Crabbe (back from the infirmerary) pushed it under the dock they gave up hope.

Another 15 minutes later they examined all the bugs that they gathered in a group, then played "The Bug Lottery" (finding out the life cycle of a bug ).

"This seems like a really immature game for our age." Hermione complained.

"What are you talking about?!This is so totally cool!" Ron exclaimed, not being the slightest bit sarcastic.

Hermione rolled her eyes though continued the game.

In the background on a bench Lavander was playing solitaire and Seamus was reading a book.

Back to the game...

"Anybody's number ending in 2 or 5 is out, because you were eaten by a large frog." The guide announced.

"Whoop-de-doo, I guess I'm out." Hermione said.

"Ahhhhhh!" Came a yell. Everybody turned to see Seamus jumping up off the bench doing a crazed dance. "Bloody squirrel!" he yelled. After he calmed down he told everybody that he was sitting peacefully reading a book when a squirrel ran up inside his t-shirt and when it couldn't get up through the "head hole" ran back down.

"Let's find the squirrel!" Dean yelled, and they all thundered into the bushes.

"There it is!" Ron yelled, pointing at a gimpy old black squirrel. "Get it!"

Everybody charged at it though it ran up a tree, much to the disappointment of Seamus who wanted to kill the squirrel.

"Everybody back to the game." the guide announced pulling all the grumbling students back to the dock.

A.N. Short, but I don't care. Just to mention I haven't read any other camping ff's so if I have copied an idea I'm sorry, but it's not my fault.

Thanks to: stripe-fire (a.k.a. my only reviewer), none the less you helped make the camping trip what it is, and edit stuff (and remind me of the squirrel). 


End file.
